“Excuse me, but not all men are like that,” Tyler said, leaning back in his chair and putting his hands into the pockets of his vest. Erika seemed confused. After a literal lifetime of terrible boyfriends and being stupid, she had decided that 100% of men, every husband, father and son, every single one, was…
List articles are extremely popular right now. Do you know more than two things that have vaguely similar qualities? Write a list article about them! And you don’t have to go the Cracked.com route and research anything, because research won’t earn you the immediate gratification of seeing that list posted today! Just write the entry…
In sophomore year of college, my roommate Zack bought a hookah, which we used extensively. Since dorm smoke alarms can be set off if you happen to breathe too hard, we usually used it in the section of the parking lot that was farthest away from our dorm, or on the small, concrete deck on…
Freshly graduated from eighth grade and making all the right(?) choices, Daniel Dockery is Hollywood’s Stephen King’s ‘It’ boy right now. We decided to probe his brain to gain some insight into his choices of fashion, his sexiest tips, and his advice for those seeking similar success. Cosmo: So, what is that you’re wearing right…
I’ve once again teamed up with Yell! Magazine to deliver you a ton of news, mixed with a ton of jokes. SALEM: A DECENT LOOKING SHOW WITH A TERRIBLY EDITED TRAILER. (NICE BEARDS, THOUGH) THE CRITERION COLLECTION WILL MAKE HEAD EXPLODING INTO AN ART FORM (SCANNERS RELEASE) GAMERA, FRIEND OF CHILDREN AND COOL DVD SETS…
You’re Next was the best horror film of 2013, and it featured a family besieged by psychopaths wearing animals masks. There were also a lot of plot twists involved, enough twists to fill at least two more You’re Next movies. So, thankfully, Martin Garrix didn’t take the direct sequel route with the video for his…
In two previous articles, I explored the allure of vague sex and the allure of vague video games. Both of these things, by themselves, are billion dollar industries. But what if someone could combine them? Wouldn’t the person who finally put both pieces of that puzzle together successfully get all the money? Mainstream video games…
After a little hiatus, Daniel Is Funny will be coming back in full force tomorrow. But, to hold you over until the morning, here is a picture of me with one of my birthday presents. It’s beautiful in ways that even I can’t comprehend. -Daniel
Readers, I’m about to upload pictures of my body onto the internet. I hate doing this, despite how proud I am of the progress I’ve made through the combination of a regular exercise routine, and a diet of constant, merciless eating. I guess that stems from a lifetime of asking people to delete the photos…
(Note: Readers of Daniel Is Funny, Pfafftown is the town I grew up in. I hope that helps to make the decision behind creating this list make more sense. I didn’t just pick a random small town and decide that that one would be perfect for satirizing a common type of online article.) Pfafftown, famous…
Think about it for a second, bud. I know that, in the heated intensity of your popcorn devouring, you felt a tiny piece, a tiny, miniscule fraction of a cooked kernel, fall. You felt it flee from your fingertips, spinning through the air and hitting the front of your shirt. It tumbled away, and at…
There comes a point towards the end of every period of drunkenness when you say to yourself “Food, if you can hear me, help.” This is a tough situation to be in in downtown Asheville after midnight, when every restaurant has closed its doors, as if under some culinary equivalent of a V For Vendetta…
