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Monsters, Jokes, Analogies
Browsing All Posts published on »August, 2011«
Nailing A Job Interview With Little To No Uncertainty
The job market is hard right now. Really hard. I could make “as hard as a” similes all day, it’s so hard. But I won’t, not because I don’t like referencing blood flow to certain organs in articles, but because that’s not what this article is about. Remain focused on the prize. That’s tip number one. The most important thing to remember is that a job interview is like fighting a circus bear. You’re not gonna win, but if you put on a good enough show, you might be called back to get paid and punch a bear some more.
Michelle Bachmann’s Schedule
August 30, 2011
7:00 AM: Hit the snooze button on specially designed alarm clock to stop Nelson Mandela’s screaming. 7:15 AM: Get angry over discovering “brown eggs” in her fridge. 7:30 AM: Knock on Marcus’ cabinet to see if he needs more water. 8:00 AM: Takes shower. Washes off remnants of reptile skin that didn’t flake during the […]
Dating Tips For You And Your Philias 5/7: Macrophilia
August 29, 2011
Macrophilia Fascination with or a sexual fantasy involving giants. Examples: Girls over 5’6, Giganta, That one lady who married Flava Flav that one time. How does the universe work, my friend? Are our lives determined by destiny or are we in complete control? The latter, you say? Good Attitude. I see you there, tongue on […]
Thank You, Hanna Barbera: Samson And Goliath
August 27, 2011
Most people are familiar with some sort of bible, regardless of whether the people in that bible are white or Asian or reptiles or aliens. However, the employees of Hanna Barbera were more familiar with the Christian bible then anyone had any right to be. So familiar, that they had knowledge of a previously unreleased […]
The Ins And More Ins Of The Friend Zone
August 26, 2011
You know what I’m referring to. A lot of people have written countless pages about what it is, how you got into it and how you can get out of it. I’m sure, somewhere, Ashton Kutcher and Kristen Bell have read for a film called “The Friend Zone.” However, if you’re still not sure what […]
Dating Tips For You And Your Philias 4/7: Omorashi
August 26, 2011
Omorashi Arousal experienced from having a full bladder or a sexual attraction towards those who have the feeling of a full bladder. Examples: You needing to pee, someone else needing to pee, you and someone else simultaneously needing to pee. Omorashi is a fetish subculture that primarily exists in Japan, which makes sense, as Japan […]
Dating Tips For You And Your Philias 3/7: Frotteurism
August 26, 2011
Frotteurism The paraphilic interest of rubbing against a non-consenting person for sexual gratification. Examples: Only one. You and someone who would probably never want to hang out with you. I see you there, Mr. Nervous-Hands-In-The-Pockets. You’re shifting on your heels, surrounded by beautiful women, and you can’t get the nerve to grind against one of […]
Dating Tips For You And Your Philias 2/7: Autassassinophilia
August 26, 2011
Autassassinophilia Psychosexual arousal from the risk of being killed. Examples: Imminent car crashes, imminent plane crashes, imminent rape/murder cases, other imminent death scenarios. I see you there, being all gentle and caring and stuff. You look foolish. That girl doesn’t want you to hold the door open! She wants the door to be made of […]
Quality bloggin’.
August 31, 2011
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