The DVD cover to Somewhere Tomorrow is what initially drew me to this film, as it looks like a graphic design student’s attempt to passively tell his professor that he’s dropping the class. It features Sarah Jessica Parker looking with an indeterminate expression at something, with a clip art plane about to slam into the side of her head. Below “Flying Plane” we have a blurry picture of a girl on a horse, and above the title, there’s a guy with a face that says “Rubix cube.”
The logo at the top reads “DIGITALLY REMASTERED” but if the film is anything like the cover, than the makers of this DVD didn’t know what the phrase meant beyond wiping any dirt off the disc with their shirts. At the bottom of the cover is the tagline “Life is Confusing When You Fall in Love With a Ghost.” which is true, because I imagine that life would be confusing if I fell in love with a ghost. Thanks for getting to the point, Somewhere Tomorrow.
The film opens with credits on a long pan of rural countryside. A cop car comes by, driven by Alex, who gets a radio call from someone about a girl named Lori (Sarah Jessica Parker) getting a concussion. It’s something that shouldn’t seemingly interfere with a cop’s schedule, but I imagine that he thinks that, since it’s a small town and the biggest thing he’ll have to handle all day will be a flat tractor tire, he turns on his siren and rushes straight into an awkward edit.
We cut to Lori in a coma, with Betty, her mother, talking to a doctor. Alec is in the room too, and they kind of discuss around what is happening. They say things like “What is wrong?” and “How did she get this way?” because, when you have a coma patient, the best method is to treat it like you’re trying to tell your best friend that they’re fat. Apparently, Lori loves horseback riding and fell off a horse, giving her a mild concussion. However, due to stuff that we don’t know about, the doctor concurs that Lori wants to die, because it’s medically possible for a normal, healthy girl to get a minor head injury and for her body to sense it and say “Now’s our chance!” Betty says “ I don’t know where to start…” but the movie does and we cut straight to Lori watching TV.
She’s watching a movie about dead people, to subtly implicate that she’s obsessed with dying. Betty and Alex arrive at the house, and make out as soon as they get in the door, to subtly implicate that they’re in a relationship. We then cut to an old man grimacing at a jar full of gas, as Terry, a boring looking white guy, and Paul, a fat black guy, drive up to an air field in a jeep, where they proceed to banter about horse sex, which makes it surprisingly hard for me as a viewer to understand anything deeper about their personalities, since it’s difficult to discern anything other than the fact that these guys like it when horses mate.
Back at Lori’s farm, Lori (now completely changed into a denim jacket and jeans), some random old black man and Betty talk about horse stuff and Laurie leads her horse off to go canter or something. At the air field, Terry is teaching Paul how to fly, but as soon as they get started, the engine hiccups and Terry assures Paul that it “seems fine” so they go ahead with taking off. There are a few pressing issues here. First and foremost, it’s a damn plane, a machine prone to just exploding at random. If something seems wrong, it probably is wrong and should probably be checked out before the random explosion happens. This also sets up Terry to be unlikable, as he is not only a poor teacher, but a poor pilot and friend.
Captain Terry: Hello, this is Terry, your Captain speaking. Thank you for choosing Sudden Death Flights with Terry today. Just to inform you, we may be plummeting screaming into the middle of nowhere shortly, so strap in for that and we should be fine. I’ve never faced a problem that I didn’t refuse to handle properly.
In the barn, Betty sees Lori talking sweetly to Polly, a horse. Betty initiates a conversation about horse fucking, which indicates that the two sets of characters talking about equine sex are about to meet, because there’s nothing more romantic than locking eyes for the first time with someone, as a mare is led into a stable to be forcibly mounted by a stud horse for breeding. All this talk about horse business leads to Betty and Laurie talking about Laurie’s dead father and Betty wanting to leave the farm and marry Alex. Lori disapproves of this because she rides away dramatically.
More plane problems ensue and Paul freaks out, but Terry’s all “It’s a good day to die” and doesn’t put too much weight into the fact that a crash is going to happen. Lori visits a graveyard and then looks up to see the plane about to meet the ground so she follows it. Terry lazily calls for help and the plane slams into the forest. Lori gets off the horse to investigate, and finds Paul barely alive with his body halfway out of the plane. Terry landed in a more embarrassing fashion, but he’s alive too and Lori gives him her jacket to rest his head on, since maybe she’s a racist.
Lori tries to get back on her horse, but Polly, sensing that no human has taken the time to freak out, freaks out and bucks her off. Lori lands, goes unconscious for about fifteen seconds and wakes up to hear a helicopter overhead. She rushes back to the crash site to find Terry missing. However, since the characterization is so lazy thus far, the only thing gained cinematically by having Terry gone is one less horse insemination.
To be continued…..