(I wrote this in the fall of 2012 for a site called 604 Republic. Sadly, that site is no longer in existence, so I’m going to be posting the articles that I wrote for them here. I will also do this for the things I wrote for The Smoking Jacket, as they seem to have removed my articles, and the articles of many other funny people, as well.)
Many fantastical things don’t actually exist in real life. Bigfoots, Mechagodzillas and Hulk Hogans are the first things that come to mind when I think of demigods that rule, but aren’t biologically feasible.
However, despite scientific evidence that proves otherwise, geeky girls are alive and thriving in the real world. Now, before you pass out due to all the blood that just rushed to your erections, read up on how you can nab one of these medical anomalies. I understand that the steps should be as easy as a game of Pokemon Snap: Just toss apples until you can distract her long enough to thrust a wedding ring onto her hand. But it’s a bit more complicated than that.
Look For Friends First.
I really enjoy sitting and reading comics, to an abnormal extent. And if I could telepathically project any loneliness I have out into the world to ping off of a willing lady like some hot girl Cerebro, I would be lauded as both a genius and a pioneer. I don’t have that power, though, and I regret it every day. Every. Day.