Not All Men Are Like That

“Excuse me, but not all men are like that,” Tyler said, leaning back in his chair and putting his hands into the pockets of his vest. Erika seemed confused. After a literal lifetime of terrible boyfriends and being stupid, she had decided that 100% of men, every husband, father and son, every single one, was…

You Won’t Believe How Many (12) List Ideas I Have!

List articles are extremely popular right now. Do you know more than two things that have vaguely similar qualities? Write a list article about them! And you don’t have to go the Cracked.com route and research anything, because research won’t earn you the immediate gratification of seeing that list posted today! Just write the entry…

Facebook + Video Games + Sex = SUCCESS

In two previous articles, I explored the allure of vague sex and the allure of vague video games. Both of these things, by themselves, are billion dollar industries. But what if someone could combine them? Wouldn’t the person who finally put both pieces of that puzzle together successfully get all the money? Mainstream video games…

Yesterday was my birthday

After a little hiatus, Daniel Is Funny will be coming back in full force tomorrow. But, to hold you over until the morning, here is a picture of me with one of my birthday presents. It’s beautiful in ways that even I can’t comprehend. -Daniel

Working Out

Readers, I’m about to upload pictures of my body onto the internet. I hate doing this, despite how proud I am of the progress I’ve made through the combination of a regular exercise routine, and a diet of constant, merciless eating. I guess that stems from a lifetime of asking people to delete the photos…

10 Things That Only People From Pfafftown Will Understand

(Note: Readers of Daniel Is Funny, Pfafftown is the town I grew up in. I hope that helps to make the decision behind creating this list make more sense. I didn’t just pick a random small town and decide that that one would be perfect for satirizing a common type of online article.) Pfafftown, famous…

Hey, Man. You Might Not Want To Put That In Your Mouth.

Think about it for a second, bud. I know that, in the heated intensity of your popcorn devouring, you felt a tiny piece, a tiny, miniscule fraction of a cooked kernel, fall. You felt it flee from your fingertips, spinning through the air and hitting the front of your shirt. It tumbled away, and at…

The Hot Dog Cart In Front Of Scully’s Is Your Salvation

There comes a point towards the end of every period of drunkenness when you say to yourself “Food, if you can hear me, help.” This is a tough situation to be in in downtown Asheville after midnight, when every restaurant has closed its doors, as if under some culinary equivalent of a V For Vendetta…