#no #NationalKissDay

#NationalKissDay

Examples:

floridaneo: Is it #NationalKissDay when you got no one to kiss? 😦

famousnicesinger: For #NationalKissDay I’d kiss all my fans!

Ed_gein:  Who needs #NationalKissDay when I’ve got skulls to put makeup on? #winner

Assumption: This tag would lead me to believe that there are a lot of people out there who are convinced that somehow, a made up Twitter holiday is important to them, and are willing to share that with the world. Out of all the tags I’ve ever seen, this seems the most like one a person would invent in order to prey on the hearts and minds of the idiotic.

This is your life on Twitter.

Was I Right: Absolutely. This tag showed me the most hilariously depressing wall of tweets of all time. People were having perfect, normal days, logged into Twitter, saw this tag and immediately became sad. Sorry, tweet I was going to make about how I don’t have work and am gonna play Civ IV all day. I just saw this tag and realized that I am utterly hopeless.

The best part about this tag, is how many people say the exact same thing. It’s like a hive mind of men who “don’t have anyone to kiss.” They wouldn’t think about this normally, but now that a # sign has been prefixed into it, they’re brain waves are all tuned onto the lonely station, a station that plays music that only they sing, and they hate it.

Hopefully Twitter isn’t influential enough to turn this into a national holiday. We don’t need another holiday dedicated to “Over Thinking Single Folk” as we already have the one in February. If this is actually a national holiday, then the holidays I just invented, “National Allergic To Crab Meat Day” and “National Sarcastically Call Everyone You Know “Speedy” Day” deserve their proper due.

How To Use This Tag For Good: Anyone who has used #NationalKissDay in a sad way in a post should be called out. Make it like a countdown. For example:

Ralph: Hey, @nevillelong there’s only three hours left on #NationalKissDay! Found anyone?

Ralph: You missed it @nevillelong! #NationalKissDay is over! No kids for you.

That way, it forces people to use the initiative that others don’t want them to have. Because, let’s face it, posting on Twitter about how much action you’re not getting is a terrible way to get some.

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One response to “#no #NationalKissDay

  1. I don’t have a Twitter. But if I did, I’d be over-emphasising my ‘kissing’, just to make other people feel worse. It would be a marvellous and humourous way to spend the afternoon.

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