#no #MixedRaceProblems

Examples:

Pocahontas † : #MixedRaceProblems having to explain what you’re mixed with, over and over again .

Oscar  : #MixedRaceProblems choosing an ethnicity/race on papers.

Trunks Briefs : Mom wants me to build spaceships. Dad wants me to use them to conquer faraway galaxies in the name of the Saiyan empire.#MixedRaceProblems

Na’im Lynn : #MixedRaceProblems getting the wrong parts of each race. black and mexican woman and u got the black hair and the mexican body.

AinsleyDunlop : #MixedRaceProblems making the most beautifulest babies ever. That you just want to take home and keep them small forever and ever </3

Sara Mulatto : Black ppl look at my hair n say I must got white in me, white ppl look at my hair n say I must got black in me lol #MixedRaceProblems

Assumptions:

I’ve made references before to the fact that I hate the phrase “you’re so white.” Sadly, it applies to me in most cases. I can count the number of black friends that I have on my left hand, and I lost most of my left hand’s fingers in a high school woodshop accident. (Don’t worry, ladies. I’m still a gentle lover.) If I can show you the extent of my “white-ittude,” sometimes, when I’m dancing with a girl at a club, I’ll actually sing along with the rap music playing. I don’t know if that’s a thing all Caucasians do, but I can only assume that it’s as much of a white thing as finding a “lost” country’s gold and calling the people who live there “devils.”

Look, I know it doesn't SEEM like it's our God-given right to conquer your homes, but trust us. Surprise! Smallpox!

I don’t know off the back of my hand a lot of issues that mixed races face. However, this is not an excuse for me to be racist and then have everyone simply excuse it. As much as I love when an ignorant person says “Do you guys have egg rolls at every meal? CHOP STICKS CHING CHONG,” I say that I don’t know a lot because I’m not faced with their issues. No one has ever confused me for anything other than white. Confusing me with something non-white is the second most ironic thing in the world, the first being that one time someone approached Jay-Z and said “Sup, Daniel.”

Since Twitter is mostly used as a poor camouflage for shame and sexual inaccuracies, I really didn’t know what to expect with this one. If the tag was #letstalkaboutthesexwerehaving, I could make a thousand jokes, mostly about people whose only idea of sex is when their girlfriend rolls over and says “It’s okay. We’ll try again in the morning.” But I’m not one to shy away from a Twitter trend that I can see becoming entertaining. And so I dive into this one with no biased expectations or lofty assumptions. Let’s see what we find, shall we?

What I Found:

Well, that was quite illuminating.

What I could gather, first and foremost, was that a lot of people have problems deciding what box to check when it asks for your race on an application. I don’t know if they spent the first sixteen years of their life asking “Mom, am I black?” only to get the response “It speaks?!” but these people seem to have the hardest time filling out their SAT’s. I would assume that it would be made very clear to them what they should say if asked, but some of these people treat it like an organ to be received in the Emerald City. On job forms, the manager has to take them aside with a flow chart and a dream analysis guide just to get through the first page. Call me insensitive to issues, but I’ve never seen a teacher say “Hispanic? You picked Hispanic? Bullshit, Ricardo.”

I remember that scene in "Remember The Titans" where the white guy says "Curly hair? On my team?" And Denzel said "We eat lunch together!"

The second thing I noticed is that there’s a lot to do with hair in this issue. My evaluation of hair goes no farther than “A ponytail? She probably plays soccer then,” but the curliness of hair apparently has a lot to do with defining your race. Are we living in West Side Story? I know that racism goes deeper than black and white (Yeah, I got word play too), but I can only assume that there’s much more at stake when you’re a mixed race than whether you look decent with bangs or not.

The last major issue I noticed is that people are constantly asking “what are you?” The acquaintances of these Twitter-users have all the tact of someone saying “You have cancer? That’s slow, embarrassing and painful, right?” Another problem is people guessing races wrong. I’ve developed a method for not looking like a damn idiot, and one step of that method is to not say “Hmmm. I’m guessing one of those Mexican folk, but it’s hard to tell…” But the people that participate in #MixedRaceProblems have friends that treat guessing a race like the losing team on Family Feud.

Twitter User: Alright, we have five answers on the board. One left. What is something that would let you know that I’m mulatto?

Friend: You like the movie Hoop Dreams!

A minor issue was the oft repeated “being too white for your black friends and too black for your white friends.” I’m glad it was pointed out to me that we still lived in 1947. I’ve never in my life seen a black person leave a white group of friends, only to have the white friends all say “We shouldn’t hang out with Robert anymore. He is too black. You know the joke about the stolen television floating at night? That’s just like Robert!”

On a side note, I noticed that there are Dragon Ball Z humor accounts, which is a great example of jokes that are about a decade too late. But then again, that Bill Clinton, huh? How ‘bout that Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl? Man, this world is going nuts.

How To Use This Trend For Good:

Honestly, in this time, we shouldn’t be having #MixedRaceProblems. Black, Hispanic, white, Asian or all four combined, people are people. I’m not doing this to make fun of a certain race. I’m doing this because, well, racial misconceptions can be kind of funny, and if you’re the kind of person who thinks “Man, me being part of a certain race is a big problem,” then you need to think a bit harder about what’s important.

I think that we shouldn’t just limit ourselves to mixed races. We should expand it to something that unites cultures universally. Call me novel and genius-like, but #MixedSpeciesProblems would be a great, team-building idea.

bioshocked2 : I just mixed my own dna with that of an alligator. GAH, MY ARMS! #MixedSpeciesProblems

tweetzilla : If tiger blood is still funny, then I got tiger blood! #mixedspeciesproblems

misselizaxo : The lab…there was a fire…an accident…I think we’ve made a grave mistake. #MixedSpeciesProblems

If I can teach you anything, it's that "Batman Beyond" was a kickass show.

-Daniel

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One response to “#no #MixedRaceProblems

  1. Examples:
    AinsleyDunlop : #MixedRaceProblems making the most beautifulest babies ever. That you just want to take home and keep them small forever and ever </3

    I had to chortle at the above. It is true that comment is made at times, but then aren't most babies cute? Because they are innocent.

    I'm wondering why no one responded to your post with comments. I guess they didn't want to get too close to the candle/fireplace. 😀

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