Condescending Wonka VS Johnny Depp

People who create Condescending Wonkas are the closest thing that the world has to closet sarcastics. They’re so fed up with some common, inane problem or phrase that they have to show your comeback to it, albeit only after they’ve placed it on top of Gene Wilder’s smirk. Rather than comment back to the source of your issue, they release this picture instead, letting the whole world know that someone ironically “must be” intelligent or “must be” cultured. It’s like if someone cut me off in traffic and rather than giving them the finger, I went home and drew a picture of someone else giving them the finger.

It’s about as indirect as one can come with an insult, and while it’s kind of funny sometimes, it basically goes to show how we handle problems we see on the internet: Rather than confronting them, we use an imaginary character to passively confront them for us. I liken it to role playing, except that when it comes time for the actual sex to happen, the doctor decides that he’d much rather just jerk off in front of the nurse. And did I mention that the nurse might not even be in the same room?

Apparently a nutjob saw this, and became furious at someone else’s interpretation of an imaginary character. If I could create a distinct visual for you, I’d call this picture an “Autism Tornado.” It has so many fallacies that it makes punching someone because their wearing a sweater during summer seem logical. I’d like to perform an experiment. Take every piece of food you have in your house and throw it away. Now starve to death. Did you do it? If you did, you’re officially almost as dumb as the person who made this picture.

First of all, I’m not even quite sure what the Wonka quote even means. Is it the creator’s attempt to give a bad example of the meme they hate? Or did they just pick it at random? “Tell me more about how does it make you look like me” In that case, don’t I know fuck what in talking about you’re. Is it Gene Wilder’s hair that they’re trying to replicate? It’s obviously pretty curly in the picture. If that’s the intent of the insult, that’s like showing an image of a fat guy and saying “Haha, his ribs are showing!” It’s some exaggerated sense of alien sarcasm that hasn’t been invented yet. More examples include showing a picture of a cat with the caption “BARK MOO!” and a picture of a baby, with the words “Retirement Middle Aged Not Baby” under it. It’s sarcasm invented by people still trying to figure out the term.

And then we have Johnny Depp Wonka under it, replying back, not to the meme but to fucking Gene Wilder himself. That would imply that Wilder created this meme, as if the retired actor decided that the best chance at giving his career a second wind would be to take a picture from his iconic role and write douchy things on it. I don’t know who sits around imagining scenarios like that, much less imagining them and then starting to believe that they’re true. Did this guy leave Titanic thinking “If I ever meet that asshole who was watching Jack and Rose kiss instead of looking for icebergs, I’m gonna kick his lily white ass!” I’ve read stories of people who commit murder because furniture told them to, and that’s more sane than this.

I could get very film nerdy by saying that Gene Wilder has been in a ton of awesome movies. Stir Fry. Young Frankenstein. Blazing Saddles. The Producers. I saw him in a version of Death Of A Salesman as Bernard and he kicked ass in that. But that’s not the point of this. The point is that someone literally just tried to defend people from the made-up jabs of a damn fictional character, by replying with another made-up line from a remake of that fictional character with a snarky comment about the actor who played the original character’s career, when they obviously have no idea what the actor’s career was even like. I don’t approach Mexican people by saying “If you were black, I’d go on the internet and make fun of all of your burritos, cracker!” If this is the state of internet creativity, then we’re one step away from laughing at pictures of stick figures who say things like “I’m not a stick figure” and “Kill your parents with us.”

-Daniel

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6 responses to “Condescending Wonka VS Johnny Depp

  1. UHHHGHHHH! hat is so not funny1 did u kno how much this makes mad? y r u riting lik this???? its not good,,,,,,its childdish u dont even get the pic1 how culd u notget that thee straightning hair makes look does more like me!?! IDIOT,,,,,,,,,Jesus bless<3

  2. I’m sorry… I got caught up in your reference to role play leading to sex. I used to play Dungeons and Dragons as a kid and it never led to nookie with my skinny bespectacled pals… I fear that I lost the main thrust of your article after that…. Still, you’re a funny guy, so all is well.

  3. You obviously don’t know what Gene Wilder’s career was like either. You say maybe he is doing this to give his career a “second wind”. He has absolutely no interest in acting or his said career anymore. He’s been writing books lately and working with the Gilda Radner Ovarian Cancer Detection Center that was founded after his third wife died of ovarian cancer. If you want to be snide and clever at least get all your facts straight.

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