The Greatest (And Strangest) Michael Jackson Remix

When it came time to release a 25th Anniversary Deluxe Edition of Michael Jackson’s Bad album, the first concern would be to ask yourself “What do you put on it?” Sure, you re-master all the original tracks, and maybe add a few rough cuts and unreleased songs for the hardcore fans, but what about putting some covers and remixes on there, done by artists who have an affinity for Michael Jackson, and have a similar level of talent? With the right choices, it could work.

Or, you could just throw Pitbull on there. Really, it’s your call.

Before I get into the details of Pitbull and Afrojack’s (the D.J. who mixed this track, giving it the necessary pchoo pchoo sounds) contribution to the King of Pop’s legacy, let me state that these are the only two guys not named Michael Jackson on this whole damn thing. And they only have one song on it, out of fucking 40. So, if you’ve ever dreamed of an epic Michael Jackson reissue with a break in the middle to give an entirely unrelated rapper a chance to talk about how awesome he is, then this is album for you.

pitbull michael jackson

Now, for the lyrics:

“L-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l…”

In the world of rap music, stuttering is usually the international sign for “We need to fill some syllables because I’m running out of shit to say.” It gives me great hope when the rapper on a song is trying to kill time before he gets to the finish of the first word.

“Love it or hate it, it’s Mr. Worldwide/with the World’s Greatest, you gonna play this…”

Pitbull continues his first verse by letting you know that whatever god he slayed that allowed him to unlock the doors to our helpless realm is no longer here to save us. He then proceeds to make it seem like this song was some sort of collaboration between himself and a man that’s been dead for a little while. “With the world’s greatest…” makes it sound as if Michael Jackson’s remains are in the booth with him, laughing at his jokes and following up Pitbull’s verse with his own new one about how he beat death and is back for revenge.

“Like a woman that’s pregnant for ten months, be the latest/don’t delay this…”

Pitbull doesn’t have to reach a very high bar for one of his lines to be considered clever. On his own scale, for Pitbull to be sharply witty, he simply has to successfully complete a metaphor. That being said, this is one of Pitbull’s best lines, mainly because it makes sense. A woman that’s been pregnant for ten months would be the latest, and you shouldn’t delay it. If Pitbull had been feeling lazy, he simply would’ve trailed off halfway through to making loose references about Michael Jackson and the brand of vodka he promotes.

voli

“I’m on that Voli, making a toast for the King, MJ for life…”

Well, shit. On the third line of a song originally performed by one of the greatest musical artists in history, Pitbull can’t help but throw in a shout out to Voli vodka, a nearly undrinkable brand of alcohol, used by scientists to burn the taste buds out of lab rats. But he clears up any suspicion that this is just product placement by saying that, whenever he drinks Voli, he’ll be making a toast for MJ, for the rest of his life. And, as we’ve seen, if anyone is ready to carry the burden that is Michael Jackson’s heritage, it’s the guy who made an Inception sequel starring himself and Bud Light.

“I mess with good women, but you know that they Bad/that’s right.”

As much as you may doubt Pitbull’s credibility as a rapper/sympathizer of Michael Jackson’s demise, you can’t deny that he’s very aware of what the title of the song is. He’s so aware that he’s on a “Bad” remix that he’s willing to insert it into a line that is missing about half of what it needs to be comprehensible. “You know that they bad.” Do I, Pitbull? You just said they were good, and I figure that you’re trying to give us a depiction of some of those Lady-On-The-Street-But-A-Freak-In-The-Sheets-types that populate the city of RapGenreville, but that’s like describing The Hobbit with “He’s looks like a short man, but you know he’s a Hobbit/That’s right.”

Before Pitbull’s second verse, you get Michael Jackson’s song by way of a robot yelling for help. It’s not that poorly put together, but it’s the kind of “Bad” that you’d imagine if Michael Jackson had intended to put the song in a Step Up film.

“P.I.T. is B.A.D./Michael Jackson, R.I.P.”

Truly touching. Once again, Pitbull is willing to prove that he did the research when it came to finding out what a “Michael Jackson” was before hastily scribbling down lyrics that are mostly about something else. Pitbull knows that:

1)      Michael Jackson is a thing.

2)      Michael Jackson’s is sometimes known as the World’s Greatest.

3)      And finally, the title of the song is “Bad.”

And that’s all you need, really.

"Thank you for everything, Pitbull" Michael said, holding back tears.

“Thank you for everything, Pitbull” Michael said, holding back tears.

“Catch your chicka with a PYT/all off in Paris. Ohh oui oui.”

But, more importantly than all that death stuff, Pitbull is in Paris, fucking your girlfriend.

“I been all around the world getting’ off the chain/ but aint nothin’ changed nuchando. /Except now the sun and the moon know me by my first name: Armando.”

 I won’t call Pitbull a liar on that claim, but I will say that it’s dubious at best. At this point in his career, “Pitbull” is his first name and “Worldwide” is his last.

“De santo no tengo nada y el diablo lo tengo todo antes todo/mamita te tengo la carne hazme favor y prestarme el mojo”

I know hardly any Spanish, but I can identify the words “meat” and “mommy,” so I have a pretty good guess that this line also bears little resemblance to any line that would fit in a remix of “Bad.”

“I’m so out of this planet that I speak a third language called that Moon Talk…”

Pinch me. That’s beautiful.

“In 4 years, catch me with a billie, eee heee, doing that Moon Walk.”

 Allow me to add a fourth and fifth item to the list of things that Pitbull knows about Michael Jackson:

4)      That, somewhere in there, a Moon Walk is involved.

5)      Eee heee

Now, readers, let us bow our heads in respect. Michael Jackson, you have been done nothing but justice.

-Daniel

Follow me on Twitter.

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2 responses to “The Greatest (And Strangest) Michael Jackson Remix

  1. I love Michael’s unreleased demos on BAD25 but as far as the remix songs are concerned, they could have left them off, particularly the one with Pitbull. If i had to pick one to stay it would be the remix for Speed Demon

  2. Pingback: 5 Themes In Pitbull’s Music That Deserve More Attention | Daniel is funny·

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