A lot of people might see this post as a shameless attempt to grab some extra hits. And they’re really right. If Beyonce didn’t attract hundreds of people who see the word “Beyonce” and immediately swarm like a group of fire ants (who also happen to be proud single ladies, who don’t need a man in their life to be strong), I wouldn’t write about Beyonce. But I figured that since there’s something sort of personal with this one, it would be alright. So, if you long for the days when Daniel used to write about pure absurdity and didn’t stoop to the level of a common gossip blog, you’re in luck, because, if you remember well enough, this is me writing. I couldn’t get through a eulogy without inserting at least one Robocop 2 reference.
I really like Beyonce with short hair, and I know that it’s a little late, because she has Jay Z and will never know the tender, romantic forever-love that I could give her, but, in one fell swoop, it’s made me reconsider short hair. Changing your hair when you’re a celebrity can be a gamble, because you usually have an extremely established image. Miley Cyrus recently cut her hair short, and it looks like she told a blind barber “Do you know the singer Pink? And the Velociraptors in Jurassic Park III? Well, what if they had a baby? Also, hate me.”
If you had asked me yesterday if I would like Beyonce with short hair, I would’ve told you no, because, as is the same with most nerds who need stuff to remain constant, lest their worlds be shattered, I like my Beyonce like I like my Beyonce: looking like Beyonce. After seeing her pictures, I realize that that woman could rock anything. If Beyonce covered herself in grub worms and demanded to be fed egg yolk through her skin pores alone, I would still think That Beyonce, she’s really somethin’.
Also, she looks like a Die Hard villain, or at least a henchwoman who had her scene cut from Man Of Steel. I know that that doesn’t seem attractive, but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t want to see her mapping out a nuclear warhead’s path and later having her headquarters broken into by Steven Seagal. Is this a fetish? Confident, beautiful women who cut their hair and thus could double as foreign military rogues? If it isn’t, I feel like I may have started something here. The only movie I’ve ever seen her in is Goldmember, but I feel like she’d be great in Die Hard After Tommorow, or at least a DTV action film called Fierce, co-starring Scott Adkins and Danny Trejo.