America’s Top Ten Cities For Recent College Grads In 2014

Are you recently graduated from college, freshly awaiting the next sixty years of your life before you die? Or are you a college senior, hoping that your Sociology degree will gain the respect of your fellow man, and the love of a good, economically-minded woman? Are you a ghost? What are you?

danielsfunny.com has used a mix of statistics and some Google image searching to bring you the top ten cities for new college graduates to move to. It doesn’t matter what your career path is, or your likes and dislikes when it comes to geography or climate. Just know that, if you move here, everything is bound to be okay. It’ll all work out just fine.

10.  Dillon, Montana

dillon montana

Look at how nice this store looks! They have a Budweiser sign, so you should check out the local breweries that I can assume are somewhere around there. Also, the Wikipedia page said something about “health” and “care,” and if they were put beside each other, that could be pretty sweet.

The state fossil of Montana is the duck-billed dinosaur. They were herbivores, so, if A equals B and B equals C, then Dillon is a friendly place for vegetarians. Dillon is even home to a high school, so you can raise a family with a girl you met at one of the many local breweries.

9. Weaverville, North Carolina

Do you dream of living in the mountains? If you do, I guess this’ll work. I drove through the downtown here once and the people seemed nice. They have a few restaurants that you can eat at, and the food is the best you’ll find in any place named Weaverville, North Carolina.

weaverville nc

This town’s population as of the 2007 census is 2,646. That’s certainly more than it was a thousand years ago, so the rise is pretty steady. Also, you could probably make methamphetamine here and not get caught. Weaverville is full of business opportunities, I hypothesize.

8. Winn Parish, Louisiana

Becoming land locked in Winn Parish, Louisiana has fulfilled the lives of 15,313 people. Is a parish the same thing as a town? What is a parish?

Here’s a picture of some lake:

winn parish

7. Likely, California

Many drive out to California with the intentions of making it in Hollywood. The drive from Likely to Hollywood is an intimidating ten hours, but what does Google Maps know anyway? That’s ten hours closer to stardom. You’ll see your name in lights in no time. I have no idea how you would live in this place, to be honest.

Sixty-three people reside here, and you could make that sixty-four if you tried hard enough. Are you gonna move to Likely, California? Not likely! That joke is so good that I’d tell it to you in person. Your parents are deeply ashamed of your lack of effort.

This picture might be from Likely. I really wouldn’t know.

likely

6. The Atlantic Ocean

Buy a boat!

girls boat

5. Florida, Masachusits

Do you like annoying your peers? Have your theories about political conspiracies driven your friends away from you? Well then take part in Florida, Masschoose-its’ system of open town meeting government and have your voice heard every Tuesday evening or so. You might even become Mayor! Imagine that! Just out of college and already your running your own town? You’re going to knock your high school reunion out of the park.

Also, with a population of 752, that guarantees you at least 376 women. And now that you’re Mayor, they’ll all come running to you! “Oh, Mayor (Insert Your Last Name Here), can you sign the Make Out With Me bill? Me, and all my hot friends, due to our unique system of government, voted in favor of it.” Why wouldn’t you move to Florida?

Look at this sign! Florida, masstshoes knows what’s up!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

4.  Houston, Texas

They say that everything is bigger in Texas, and that includes your dreams! Many recent graduates might want to move to Austin, Texas, because it’s “full of young people” but Houston is cool too!

It’s the fourth-largest city in the United States, and this is the guy who they got the name from:

sam houston

Look at that hat and that cane! And they say that all the hipsters are moving to Austin!

houston

3. Weaverville, North Carolina

North Carolina is mostly known for its great mix of beaches, mountains,…wait…hold on…shit.

weaverville nc

2. Clay Township, Howard County, Indiana

Is a township anything like a parish? Either way, Clay Township has three major highways running through it: US 31 (which can lead to Indianapolis), US 35 (which can lead to Kokomo, Indiana), and SR 22 (which can lead to Burlington, Indiana). It’s because of these intersections that Clay Township is often referred to as “America’s Best Township To Live In Ever Because It Takes You (Nearly) Everywhere.” For those looking for the hub of transportation, look no further! Clay Township is the perfect place to disregard any advice that you might have heard prior to this list.

clay township

1. Hermiston, Oregon

Hermiston has an old business district, which means that it must have a new one too. Good news for all you guys looking to get jobs eventually.

While most of Oregon has some kind of climate, the average high for the summer in Hermiston is eighty-eight degrees. The median age is around 31, so Hermiston could be a nice choice. I don’t see any problems with Hermiston. Seriously. I know that Florida had the funny name and Clay Township had the mystery, but the reason that Hermiston is number one is because that there’s nothing bad about moving here. They have a rock there called “Hat Rock.” You’ll be able to take pictures in front of it once you move to Hermiston. Pack your bags! You’re moving to Hermiston.

hat rock

-Daniel

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