danielsfunny.com Exclusive: 6 New Pokemon for Pokemon X and Y!

Coming October 12th to the Nintendo 3DS, is the newest installments in the hit Pokemon franchise: Pokemon X and Pokemon Y! Considering that it’s hub for most things in the modern universe, danielsfunny.com has received the lowdown on six new, never-before-seen Pokemon that will be included in the game.

Radchu

radchu

Type: Electric/Rad

Height: Taller than you.

Weight: Five pounds less than you.

Bio: Radchu does not obey Trainers. He follows the beat of his own drum. If you ask him to help you, he might, but only if he feels like it. Don’t get near him, as his electric shock will paralyze you and attract nearby cheerleaders.

Evolves: From Pikachu, at level whenever he fucking feels like it.

Ability: Ignore (Attacks don’t hurt Radchu. If he’s gonna cry, it’ll be on the inside)

Move Set: Thunderbolt, Iron Tail, Sneer, Vague Text Reply

Spectragon

spectragon

Type: Dragon/Fairy

Height: 76 ft, 4 in

Weight: 28,000 lbs

Bio: Spectragon is a legendary Pokemon only available through a Toys “R” Us exclusive Wifi event. If you’re not willing to stand in line with little kids at seven in the morning, you’ll never get to use him. If you do use him, your friends will accuse you of cheating. “That’s not fair!” they’ll cry. “But…but…” you’ll plead. Can control time itself. Fills in some backstory.

Evolves: From nothing.

Ability: Important (Spectragon is more important than (insert opposing Pokemon))

Move Set: Hyper Beam, Dragon Rage, Apocalypse Destroy Everything Bomb, Leer

Ghrost

ghrost

Type: Steel/Ghost

Height: 3 ft

Weight: 22 lbs

Bio: Looks a lot like a trash can. Probably a trash can.

Evolves: It’s a trash can. Yep, definitely a trash can.

Ability: Homeless (Whenever Ghrost comes into battle, you receive an item that you’ve already used once before)

Move Set: Hypnosis, Dream Eater, Sweet Scent, Rollout

Wario

wario

Type: Poison/Fighting

Height: 5 ft, 6 in

Weight: 240 lbs

Bio: It’s Wario, from the Mario series! Does this make sense? Absolutely not! Known to lurk behind buildings, grimacing at people. Exceedingly lonely. Nintendo brand cross promotion. Cute at first, but forgettable in the long run.

Evolves: From Mario, when you use the Moon Stone.

Ability: Limited (Easy to replace in your party. Not really useful in battle)

Move Set: Mega Punch, Bite, Poison Gas, Rage

Handfulofbees

handfulofbees

Type: Bug

Height: However tall twenty bees are

Weight: Many Bees

Bio: Terrifies everyone. Does not stay in Pokeball. Instead, stays in the Trainer’s hand. If the Trainer loses a battle, toss Handfulofbees into opponents face. Run.

Evolves: From Vespiquen, at level 38.

Ability: EpiPen (Is it in your pocket? Oh, God…Oh, God, breathe….I can’t find the pen…I can’t find the pen, I’m sorry….I love you, I’m sorry…stay with me, honey)

Move Set: Bees to the face

Ovalshock

ovalshock

Type: Electric/Steel

Height: Varies

Weight: Varies

Bio: An abomination of evolution. God did not mean for this to happen. Constantly in pain. Put it out of its misery. It will understand.

Evolves: Voltorb cries out. Something is wrong. It wasn’t supposed to hurt like this.

Ability: Fundamentalist Christian Ammo (Will be used in a sermon to show why Pokemon is a creation of the Devil)

Move Set: Weep, Ponder Existence, Note To Family, Selfdestruct

Daniel

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s