Goodbye, Breaking Bad

I’m not gonna move my stuff out until Sunday. I hope that’s alright. You still have quite a few of my things, but I can carry most of it. I won’t need your help, but it was polite of you to ask.

breaking bad

I don’t think I’m going to be able to transition into being “just friends” as easily as you’d like. I’m sure Better Call Saul will be rewarding, but it won’t be the same. If I’m going to have you, I want all of you, Breaking Bad. I want everyone. I’ll give it a try, because I love you, but I’m not sure it will work.

I remember when I first saw you, and I smile to think of how forbidden it felt. None of my friends knew you very well. A few knew of your friend Mad Men, and I won’t lie: She was cute. But she didn’t interest me like you did. There was something about you that sparked my interest. Maybe it was because you seemed to be a show about gangs and making meth and Mad Men seemed to be a show about suits and discussions. Yeah, that’s exactly the reason. I talked to Mad Men for a few episodes, but the connection wasn’t there. There were a few common interests, but no attraction.

It was illegal, our meeting spot. That one torrent site…did you know that they tore it down? I carved my name into the side of it, but it’s gone. Kind of fitting, considering that, in a few days, it’ll all be over, but what I felt then was as real as what I feel now. I’m sorry I was so bashful in the beginning, and that I decided to download you rather than spend the money on your first season DVD. I should’ve dated you like you deserved. Oh well. The past is the past.

We learned so much about each other. Nah, scratch that. You knew me from the very beginning. You knew that I liked intense drama and engaging characters and surprising plot twists and you delivered above and beyond what I expected. I initially thought that you were gonna be some kind of comedy, with moments of drama. Remember that time that Walt stepped on that bully’s foot in the store? I remember thinking that it would never get better than that. Oh, how I was wrong!

We lay curled up in my dorm bedroom with my laptop for hours on end. God, I was fascinated by you. I was nineteen; what did I know about love? But there was something there, something that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I told you about Dexter, and how it seemed that things were going sour with her and that I felt that I might have to end things soon before it got too serious. You listened, and I appreciated that. And then Tuco beat his own henchman to death and that was cool and I appreciated that too.

Our relationship was definitely "Tight, tight!"

Our relationship was definitely “Tight, tight!”

I bought that first season soon after, and we spent even more time together. Then the second season came out. I had cable at the time, but I never made the effort to tune in and see you. I waited for someone else to present a copy of you to me. I hate being that kind of guy, but youth is full of the follies of love. You taught me so much about how to live in the moment, and see things when they happen. Thank you for that. We know that there will be someone else after you, but I’m still gracious for what you’ve given me.

Season three. That was it. I couldn’t wait anymore for you, and I actually began to pursue you like, in retrospect, I should have from the beginning. Great times. The two assassins and their fight with Hank. Gale and his whole spiel. Walter saying “Run.” It’s ending, but I wouldn’t trade those times for anything.

Making memories.

Making memories.

We hit a rough patch that next year. As with all relationships that stay committed, things began to slow down and stabilize. I don’t want to say that we got lazy, but that was definitely a slower period. I never stopped appreciating you though. I tried to stay involved, I really did. It might seem like I was secluded for a few weeks, but I never stopped caring. Not even in that episode where Marie was stealing shit again. With any other show, I would’ve said “Really? This?” But I wanted it to work so badly. I was scared that I’d never meet anyone like you again. I still am a little scared.

Season five has been incredible, and so full of self-discovery. All those years of growth and transformation are finally paying off. Todd is a little bit of an asshole, and I’m still kinda mad about what you did to Mike, but in the grand scheme of things, it all fits. You were full of revelations, Breaking Bad, but you’ve never stopped being there for me. You even extended your last season so that we could be together a while longer. That season had some long distance in the middle, but that break gave me time to reflect and appreciate you.

And now, we’re at the end. God, I’ll miss you. My friends all loved you. I want you to know that too. Some of them may have been a little late in getting to know you, but none of them have had a seriously unkind word about you. My family was so happy to meet you as well. When I first brought you home, they still had a bad taste in their mouths from Dexter. Who can blame them? Dexter hated me more than I hated her by the bitter end of it. You impressed them though, with your wit, consistency and interesting side characters.

We’re gonna have to go “No Contact” for a while, until I can get my head straight about whether or not I want to get the box set of the your entire series. I’m still undecided on that, but we’ll see. The future could mean anything for us, and I am forever open to being surprised.

breaking bad hug


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