Pumpkin Spice

Would you like to try a Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino? It’s the reason for the season here at Smore’s, the number one coffee shop and bakery in downtown Greenville.

Since you so readily said yes, could I interest you with a delectable pumpkin spice cookie? We’re running a special where, if you get a pumpkin spice drink, you get a pumpkin spice cake or cookie, half price! They go great together, because they’re both pumpkin spice, you know?

Also, we’ve made some additions to the table where we keep our napkins and straws. Yes, that used to hold sugar, but now it holds pumpkin spice. You can do without sugar, right? Pumpkin spice is a great alternative. I’ve started using it for baking. You might say that it ruins recipes, but that’s just being close-minded. Now my sugar cookies can be pumpkin spice cookies, with no sugar at all!

Oh, and don’t shake the pumpkin spice container too hard. I know we have a Pumpkin Spice Glade Plug-In going, but I’d never want overkill, and sometimes, when you pour too much, a cloud of pumpkin spice shoots out. I know, I know. Too much pumpkin spice? I can’t fathom it.

But sometimes, when it clouds, it gets in your eyes, and we used to have an eye wash station in the back, but we replaced it with a pumpkin spice dispenser. It’s so delicious.


Cindy’s breathing shortened. It was clouding her throat, and she felt it start to clump up and cling to her esophagus. Tears were welling up in her eyes again, and she began to fade out of consciousness. “I can’t die…” she muttered to herself. The nurse pushing her gurney leaned in close to her.

“What did you say, sweetheart?” the nurse asked. Cindy’s vision was dimming. The hospital lights that had seemed so bright upon entry were losing their garish luster.

She felt herself starting to pass out as they brought her into the operating room. The doctor stared at her powder-tinged body.

“Oh my God, “ he said. “I’ve never seen anything like this. When did this happen?”

The nurse who had wheeled Cindy in looked at the girl for a second and replied “All fall. All fall, it’s been going on.”

“Jesus,” the doctor said. “I need an axe and 5000 cc’s of pumpkin spice latte.”

Cindy heard him say this, but the medicine she had been given made her too weak to move. “What are you doing?” Cindy whispered, the sentence barely puffing into the air like the last little bits of pumpkin spice out of a bag of pumpkin spice.

It would be her last words on this earth.

The Doctor cut her open and dumped bag after bag of pumpkin spice into Cindy’s organs. Nothing. Cindy’s condition never improved for a second, and she died later that evening, from a mix of blood loss and increased internal pumpkin spice coating.

The Doctor was later quoted as saying that “She fought hard, but it is autumn after all. Time for some new flavors.”


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