Dear God, Please Let Me Go Viral

I know that I haven’t done this in a while, but I’ve been busy. My manager cut some of my hours at Kooky Koffee, and now I’m trying to find more barista work. Also, my production company Bad Apple Studios is really taking up a lot of time since Joel moved in with his girlfriend. I’ve had to learn how to use Final Cut Pro, and I’m just not a technical guy, ya know? I’m more of a writer/actor.

Also, I went through that phase in high school where I went out of my way to tell everyone that I was agnostic. Sorry about that.

To be up front, I just decided to come to you and pray and maybe ask for the tiniest bit of help. You see, I’ve been working with Bad Apple Studios since I founded them in September of 2013. We’ve managed to put out three videos so far, and I think they’re pretty good. Well, the last two are great, but the first one is still raw, because we were in our formative stages. “The Angry Pirate Talks About Xbox One” has its moments. Plus, everyone goes through rough periods when they first start out. I think an interview with Trey Parker said that.

But the last two were so, so good, I think. And everyone I’ve shown them to has said that they were fantastic, and on my and Bad Apple’s Facebook Fan Page, they’ve gotten a combined thirty-one Likes. And they’ll get even more when Trent shares them too, but he never gets online. Our Twitter page hasn’t really taken off.

But, God, why haven’t they gone viral? They had all the ingredients to become YouTube hits, and they’ve just kind of stalled out. It doesn’t make any sense.

Okay. So, the first, “What Must’ve Happened Behind The Scenes At The VMA’s!” was extremely timely, and included Miley Cyrus, Robin Thicke, and a parody of “Wrecking Ball,” all of which are popular Google Search terms. I looked them up. I uploaded it the night we filmed it, and when I checked the hits the next morning, there had only been six. What the hell? And it was hilarious too. Trent took off his shirt, and we got him to ride on the neighbor’s tire swing. I dressed up as Robin Thicke and I was pretending to hit on him. The Lonely Island did fake gay stuff sometimes, and look at them now!

What’s worse is that, since then, it’s only gotten 600 hits. That is WAY too little.

Our third video “How The Batman VS. Bane Fight Should’ve Gone!” was something that combined both topical humor (The Dark Knight Rises) and nerd culture humor (Batman.) I shared the links in the comments of darkknightforever.com AND capeandcowl.com, the two premiere Batman fan sites on the internet, and they only got one upvote. I tried to post it on Reddit, but they were off the front page in less than thirty minutes.

Oh, God, what am I doing wrong? I’ve planned out a fourth video “The Angry Pirate Dramatically Reads Sorority Letter!”, but Trent isn’t replying to my text messages and he’s the only guy I know that has a decent camera. So, I ask you, from the bottom of my heart, please help me to go viral. I’ve heard that YouTube pays you when you get 20,000 hits or so, and if you could just get Rob Delaney to tweet about us or even getting us a shout out from Rooster Teeth or something would help a ton.

I want this so, so, so badly. I haven’t saved up enough money for the L.A. move yet, (though I’ve been planning for it to happen by next summer), and getting a steady income from YouTube ads would make it way easier. Thanks for being God, and I appreciate you listening.

–          Kyle

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