Food Porn

I’ve noticed that a popular thing nowadays is taking pictures of delicious food, and calling it “food porn.” Well, I think I’d like to invest ten trillion creativity dollars in this new “food porn” boom and hopefully I can make some sort of profit off of it. I love to eat good food, so why wouldn’t I let people know about it?

Let’s see what I have laying around.

coffee cup

Coffee Cup

This used to have coffee in it, about three days ago. And it looked really good too. Then I drank it. But still, imagine what coffee looks like, and then copy that dreamscape and paste it into this real picture of a coffee cup. You can add steam and a little cream heart if you want to as well. Whatever helps you share this photo, ya know?

#coffee #morningmotivation #poopenhancer #foodporn

nutritional facts

Good Stuff

Check out all the stuff that goes into what I eat. It’s got minerals and ingredients and the like. Potassium? I don’t know what that is, but this has it in there. My body is a temple, and now it’s full of whatever these words are supposed to symbolize. I think that says “Protein” at the bottom, and I’ve heard that’s beneficial to your arm parts.

#paleodiet #cleaneating #foodporn

pepper shaker

Pepper Shaker

I got some condiments too, but I used them all, and that’s why this pepper shaker is empty and lying on its side. I’m such a foodie that I got excited about pepper enough to push it the fuck over. It’s like “Screw you pepper! I’m in a hurry to be happy.” I better wipe this up.

#cheatmeal #foodporn

pills

Pills

I’ve had a stuffy nose for what, 4 months now? I don’t think that’s healthy. I can barely get out of bed in the morning, but look at all the health that I’m dropping down into my throat daily. The one on the right is for your mouth, I think. The middle one is definitely about coughs. And the left one seems to make me drowsy and nothing else. Anyway, they make me feel good for about two hours, and if I eat enough of them, I’m not hungry anymore. Mainly because I’m asleep.

#mouth #coughs #drowsy #usedhypnosis #enemydanielfellasleep #lanceusedafullrestoreondaniel #foodporn

dog food

Food

I know that it says “dog food”, but nowhere does it say “not for people to consume.” Dog food is like cereal made of meat and gravy. If you don’t mind that weird weight you feel in your stomach for about a week afterward, it’s totally cool to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It’s got meat, and gravy is made out of tomatoes (?), so that’s half the food pyramid right there.

#mansbestfriend #inacan #doievenownadog #ohdamn #thisisntgood #alsocanyoudrivemetothehospital #foodporn

great stuff

Great Stuff

“Fills the gaps and cracks in my belly” is more like it. I’m just kidding. I wouldn’t eat that. I’m not an idiot. I need to take it off the table and away from my real food though, in case I come home drunk tonight. Hey, that’s food FOR YOUR HOUSE.

#nichecomedy #foodporn #housefoodporn

crock pot

Ummm

What in the hell is this thing? Does it make the food? Do you put the food in it? Do you eat out of it? What do those numbers mean? What are they counting down to?  How close do I stand to it?

It’s just a giant bowl with an extension cord. Get rid of it. Inefficient and useless.

#electrobowl #soupsandshit #misguidedamazoncompurchase #doomsdayclock #countdown #towhat #foodporn

alligator bowl

Scaly Bowl

I decided to eat the food before I took a picture of it, so I kind of messed up the order of things. Still, this had some pretty good ice cream in it. Once again, just imagine the ice cream, and you’ll understand.

#icecream #bowlshapedlikealligator #northamericaslargestreptile #factoids #foodporn #foodpornofthepast

-Daniel

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4 responses to “Food Porn

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