It’s so easy to hate yourself.
Look at us. We’re these flimsy vessels of poop and pee that crumble under the slightest emotional or physical pressure. I know that humans are supposedly the peak of evolution at this point, but if that’s true, then evolution needs to be just getting started, because there is a lot of room for improvement. And if God exists, why didn’t he just make us all Terminators? Instead, if we eat too little, or get too sick, or get too old, or bleed too much, we just die. And that’s it. We cease to be.
We hate ourselves because we can’t understand why the people around us do certain things, and it makes us sad. Why aren’t we good enough to achieve? We shouldn’t view others as trophies, but shit, it hurts when that special person just doesn’t feel that same way. We hate ourselves because we’re not good enough for someone who, apparently, is too good for us.
We hate ourselves because we don’t have everything that we need, much less want. Jobs that we spend years preparing for elude us constantly. We trained so hard for them, and spend thousands of dollars in order to, one day, work. We don’t all want to be rich, but we hate ourselves on those days when our card gets declined at the grocery store. Where we have to put the things we need back onto the shelves, because years of working have failed us somehow.
We hate ourselves because of our mistakes, and the one thing that we can’t control that ranks above all the other things that we can’t control: our pasts. We can’t undo what we’ve said or the things we’ve done, whether we meant to do or say them or not. We hate ourselves because it seems like, as life goes on, we put more and more weight on our shoulders, and no amount of apologizing or forgetting can remove it.
We hate ourselves because we can’t escape our own minds. We have to use drugs to sort out all the chemicals and just get through the day alright. Everyone else seems fine, and everyone who’s not fine asks for your support. Damaged people supporting damaged people, and it’s overwhelming. We need to be humane, and help, but goddamn, we need to be listened to sometimes too. We hate ourselves because things don’t seem to be getting better. We climb a mountain that doesn’t seem to have a peak. The incline may lessen, but who knows where the finish line is.
This is only going to be about five hundred words, but I don’t think it needs to be any longer. What you need to know is that you need to keep trying. I’m not going to tell you to try and feel happier, because that’s almost patronizing, but try and do whatever you can. Try and live. If you want to make a better effort to be optimistic, please try it. If you want to attempt to become more attractive, or get a new job, or go to therapy, try it. History has proven that we fail at most of the things we try, but we should never let that stop us. You’re all so good at trying, and I would hate it if any of you stopped.
It’s so easy to hate yourself. And trying is the hardest thing that you’ll ever do. But it’s all you have.
I implore you to try.