Justin Bieber’s “My Kampf”

(The following are excerpts from Justin Bieber’s jail diary)

January 23rd, 2014

Keeping a diary before I make my post-prison album. And then my post-prison documentary. #thehustle

But really, #swag, #postprisonbook. Shit’s rough. No Beliebers in prison lol. But I don’t give a shit. People try to understand, but they don’t get me. They don’t get what I have to go through. Being a celebrity and an artist at the same time is tough. People expect so much from you, and then you go to prison and shit? Whack. #whack.

January 23rd, 2014

Today, someone told me that he’d never heard of me and didn’t think he’d like my music, and like, what the fuck? You don’t say that to someone. If he wants to say that shit to my face again, he can.

You can’t sag jail pants, I don’t think.

January 23rd, 2014

How do you write a letter? Like, on paper? Drop a few tweets to Selena and tell her that I’m thinking about her. Being in prison really puts it in perspection. Like, I ate today and it was so gross. #prisonfood. Wrote the first verse to a song called “Free Me,” which is about prison, but it’s also about me, ya know? Like, let me break free from these bars, so that I can drop bars, and the bars the hold me and all my fans back. It’s alright. The beat will be like “umm, bump, bump, bump, uh.”

My life is my passion AND my prison, ya know?

My life is my passion AND my prison, ya know?

January 23rd, 2014

Read in prison? Like that’s gonna help. Yeah, let me read. I’m sure that reading books by people who never went to prison is gonna help me a lot. Did Selena reply?

January 23rd, 2014

Is it tomorrow? Hope you all get to have a good one, while I’m stuck here with NO GIRLS. Like I give a shit though. It’s all good. People come up to me and think they know what I do. I like to party and I can drink, ya know? But that’s not the real me. The real me, that people don’t see, it’s all underneath, right?

No drinking in prison either so #noswag. If any of my Beliebers were in prison, I’d go get them out, ya know? Like, who hasn’t gotten a DUI, ya know? And they put me in jail? You, like, don’t know me, judge. So quit actin’ like you can judge me IN REAL LIFE.

January 23rd, 2014

They’ll probably make me do community service, but like, pickin’ up trash aint the real community service. What I do, like, makin’ music for my fans, that’s the real service to the community.

How long has it been? Three hours? Four?

January 23rd, 2014

I don’t know if it’s still night time, but every night has a morning. That was in that Batman movie and it’s still true, ya know? If stuff is bad, it’ll get better. Ya know? I’m still me. I’m still #swag. I’m still Justin Bieber. And the corruption of America can’t take that away from me. I have my rights. Ya know? Free me, right?

-Daniel

Daniel is funny is expanding! Read more about it here!

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