I recently read a list of 21 rules that women need to learn about men. Aside from being moronically dumb, it didn’t even scratch the surface of all the secrets that men have that women are unaware of. Here are thirteen more! Come on, ladies! Keep up with the stereotypes!
1. When you make the tears from your face, it’s an attack on us. We feel threatened. Tears are the devil’s forecast, or something. Don’t be sad or confused or anything. Be pleasant.
2. When you whisper, it’s like you’re trying to make yourself hard to hear. Speak up!
3. If we’re at the bar, don’t talk.
4. Playing video games is the only way to get us NOT TO MURDER.
5. Every dinner should be pork and nothing else.
6. Have you ever seen The Boondock Saints?
7. When you say “Do the dishes,” we hear it as “Blah, blah, blah marriage.” Seriously, we do!
8. Some of us are actually werewolves!
9. When we hit 30, we lose all emotions and become stone golems. Doctors call it “puberty 2.”
10. If you ask us questions, we don’t listen. It’s not because we hate you, it’s because we just don’t like you. We’re as stuck in this sinking ship of a romance as you are!
11. We have secret penises hidden in various locations on our bodies. A man’s body is a Where’s Waldo? of penises.
12. FARTIN’ IN PUBLIC. TRY TO TELL US NOT TO.
13. When you leave the toilet seat down, WE MURDER.