I love you, AND I hate you, baby.
Look, I’m not one for taking control of my own emotions. You know my weaknesses and you know how to hurt me. But I’m twenty-five, and now that I think about it, all of that stuff I heard on the Alternative Rock station 1.047 THE GRIND in 2004 was right. It was you who was smothering me all along.
Your love was like a bullet to my heart AND my brain at the same time. You were the knife in my chest and the kiss on my lips. But I just can’t keep running baaaaaaaaaack to youuuuuuuuuu. You have to let me go, let me go.
I don’t know much about the government, but I do know about the pain I feel inside, swallowing me whole. It’s a pain that feels so good, but is so bad for me. It’s a pain that I know, and a pain that I adore. But I can’t love it anymore, because honestly, it’s bad for my emotional well-being.
I’m mentally unwell. There’s something wrong in my brain, this sickness in my skull. It creeps around like a rat in a cage. Seriously, I am paying a thousand dollars for therapy this month. But still you keep climbing in my bed, and running through my head. It’s like a bomb that goes off, and all that’s left are my own broken bones. All my broken dreams.
But really, have you heard of parasitism? I enjoy falling into you, feeling your insides, but we sleep on a twin bed because graphic design career is still in the very, very formative stages. I think I might need to get a second job. My Dad says that I should look into going to grad school. So, here I am, crumbling in front of you. And all you can do is laugh, but you’re still the one I want, despite all the hurt inside of meeeeeeeeee.
All your words cut me deep.
I really don’t want to live in Queens anymore.
You’ve left scars on me, scars that won’t seem to heal. So I scream. I scream at you and at the world. I just can’t take it anymore. I have to say goodbye…
Someone told me that Best Buy is hiring.