Unfriend Me On Facebook. I Dare You.

Go ahead. Do it, punk. Unfriend me on Facebook. See what happens.

But think about it, you little snot . Think hard and long before you click. Because there’s no going back once you pull the trigger. When you make your bed, you better be damn well prepared to sleep in it.

What am I talking about? Don’t think I didn’t see you post about you being ready to “clear out a lot of your Friends List” and “delete people who you didn’t talk to anymore.” I could’ve smelled your trigger happy, unfriendin’ finger from a mile away, and it smells like garbage to me. But, before you go and make a decision that you might regret, let me inform you of the potential consequences.

Who’s gonna “Like” your photos? Tell me. Name five people that aren’t me that are going to care enough to approve of that sunset picture that you’re gonna take while driving one day. Name three. You’re gonna post that picture and you’re gonna look like a chump, with one “Like” from your Auntie.

When you hop on Facebook chat after a night out drinking, who are you going to type “hey, man its been a long time lol how r things” to? I’d love to hear the name of the person who’s gonna replace me. You’re gonna see that ever-dwindling list of green dots and you’re gonna wish that you hadn’t made that choice.

Who’s gonna comment “This is awesome!” on that link that you shared of all those Star Wars characters drawn to look like zombies? Or even that link of that clumsy bear on that person’s back porch? It’s a cold, cold world you’re walking towards, brother.

And one of these days, I’m gonna post some tremendous shit. A witty status, or a super adorable picture of me and my girlfriend, or I’m gonna host the best house party in town. And you won’t be around to see them, or be invited to them. You’re going to be an island, stewing in your own thoughts, and eventually, it’s going to drive you insane. A man goes crazy if he unfriends too many people, and you might think that you’re clearing up your News Feed now, but when the days get chilly, and the nights get long, you’re gonna wish that you had me back.

So, do you feel lucky? Click it. Do it. I. Dare. You.

Thought so.

-Daniel

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