Punch That Guy. It’s The Christian Thing To Do.

EDIT: I was informed that this thing has been around for a while. I’d never seen it before, so, oh well. Also, none of this ever happened. It’s propaganda at best, and the stupidest thing ever at worst.

Did you know that Marines are terrible people who don’t know how to handle their emotions through anything but punching? And that Christians are just plain stupid? I wasn’t aware of this, but, thankfully, people were passing this little story around Facebook, and it let me in on all the details that I was missing.

dumbness

It sets up the story by establishing just how hard of a worker this Marine was. College classes between deployments in Afghanistan? Is there anything that he CAN’T do? And I’m not making fun of people in the military attempting to further their education. That’s a great idea, for anyone. But in a story this fake, this is a blatant “He’s got brawn AND brains!” attempt at immediately winning you over, like any movie with a single Dad (who works two jobs but manages to hang out with his kids) would do.

The professor is a good enemy, because professors are snooty and entitled, and this story does nothing but reinforce stereotypes that have held people back for decades, and, in some cases, centuries. Also, I don’t know for sure if the mention of the ACLU is meant to turn the professor into a more total villain, but the ACLU supports same sex marriage, which doesn’t really comply with the “crack a beer and a skull for Jesus” theme of the story. I could be missing something here, but I don’t think they’d add it if it was meant to balance out the professor’s “heinous” actions later in the narrative. This is a story of black and white moral areas. You’re either on this Marine’s side, or you’re wrong. And likely to get beaten up for being wrong.

He “shocked everyone” when he came into the class? What a monster, making these Christ-loving young adults uncomfortable. I like how it unintentionally displays a mental simplicity of Christians, who apparently are people who go into seizures at the mere scent of a PG-13 movie. And why in the hell would a professor start out a class this way? I’m assuming he’s teaching a course on religion, but to make him come in with the dramatic “If he doesn’t strike me down in 15 minutes…” thing means that this writer of this glorified meme has seen Dead Poet’s Society, and only understood the first half of it.

The clock runs down. Suspense, sort of. But this is a MARINE, who couldn’t possibly handle his difference of opinion in any other way but through violence. Really? He goes up, just before the fifteen minutes are up, just before the bomb explodes, which would kill all of these poor college student’s dreams of Heaven, and punches the professor. Because God would want you to deck people who insult him even slightly. Curb stomp for the Lord and all.

This is probably the poorest representation of a group of people in this entire story, the group that is supposed to come out of this looking like a million, church on a Sunday, even if you’re hungover, bucks. Maybe if the Marine had tried to intelligently argue his point with the professor, rather than sucker punch him, you might could create a story where you didn’t turn the “hero” into a gross, harmful stereotype. Because how does mass media usually portray Marines? As loyal, strong people who leave duty plagued by PTSD and with a propensity for anger issues and displays of savagery. But this is about God, so it’s cool.

“What the heck did you do that for?!” When this inevitably gets adapted by the studio who brought you Heaven Is For Real, they’ll be able to keep that line in. Also, I dig how the professor “came to.” None of the other students tried to help him after one of the students knocked him unconscious. They just let him lay there, a victim of the old one-two Exodus.

God was busy, because he’s not really, like, an omnipotent God. He’s more like a member of the X-Men who sees a terrorist shooting a bullet at a soldier, and turns the bullet around with his powers to make it miss. Thus, because of his conflict with schedule, he told this prophet of a Marine “Yo, fuck this guy up while I’m winning one for the Red, White and Blue.”

I’m embarrassed for everyone involved with this. Please quit posting it.

-Daniel

EDIT: This thing was originally twisted from a false story about Einstein. I know that there are a few parody versions of it, but I found it odd that someone made this, and just added a Marine to it. I’ve been trying to figure out who originally created it, and the earliest sharing of it that I can find is back in 2006.

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9 responses to “Punch That Guy. It’s The Christian Thing To Do.

  1. This whole thing is irksome. 😉

    Like you I am not sure what ACLU is meant to do other than underscore liberalism (already covered by “professor” as long as we’re painting in broad brushstrokes) or an anti-religion stance (already suggested in “atheist” but I suppose someone was trying to head off the “yes but we mustn’t demonize because some atheists, as some believers, manage to hold their opinion without proselytizing their viewpoint to others”). I also don’t know why the Marine has to punch the guy and cold-cock him for this to work, unless it’s an attempt to simultaneously make Marines look necessarily unreasonable and overly aggressive. The professor said “knock me off the stage” … a quick shove would be sufficient, no?

    I actually did have professors (either world religion or philosophy classes, I can’t recall now after so long) who did similar things to shock students into attention and to make a point to help a tone for the class. I was agnostic at the time, and it was still shocking, even to me. The shock value is in the delivery, even more than the content, which wouldn’t have phased me in the slightest; anyway first year students are easily shocked, more than any particular group within that set.

    Funny part of this is that the professor wants to grab everyone’s attention by giving a god he doesn’t believe in an ultimatum in front of his students, and yet he “gives” 15 minutes to act. Are they doing anything else for those 15 minutes, or just sitting around waiting for something? Because 15 minutes is too long to leave a shock tactic hanging, and if everyone was sitting around waiting for this long, it would be the “wasting time making us wait around for you to make whatever point you’re trying to make” that should get someone pushed off the stage IMO.

    Interesting sidebar BTW — you read “Christian” into the audience & the Marine. Last I checked, Christians aren’t the only ones who believe in God.

    • First, I agree with everything you said about “between deployments”, “ACLU” and knocking the guy out and no one helping.

      Next, guess I’m mean-spirited and a stereotype-addicted bigot, ’cause I think the joke is potentially funny. I think it would be more effective, funny(ier), and not insulting to God, if the Marine had instead walked up immediately to throw the punch, not knocked the guy out, and answered with “God acts in mysterious ways.” (you’re cleverer and funnier, Daniel–you can probably think of a better line). The professor’s a stereotype? Yup. It’s a joke. And that professor sure fits a lot of the male profs I had. As for the Marine being a stereotype, one of my sons was a Marine, and many Marines don’t mind the tough-guy stereotype, as long as it doesn’t also imply nothing between the ears.

      People are definitely ape-crazy about religious matters. Recently, on a dating site (shudder), I responded to someone as follows (will probably include this letter in a post of mine–kinda’ like it):

      Dear Fairy-Hater,

      You said “…I can’t be with a religious person, so please don’t bother contacting me if you believe in the tooth fairy, etc.”

      Wow. What is it with so many atheists today, going out of their way to slam those who believe in God? I just don’t get it. I mean, it’s your description. You get to say whatever you want, I’m a big believer in free speech, and I have no antipathy to atheists–used to be one myself–but I don’t understand taking an extra-big step to slam someone who believes differently than I do unless they are persecuting me–and not all God-believers are persecuting all atheists–only a small minority appear to be obnoxious on the topic. Just saying.

      Shall I pass this on to the Muslim community in case they want to issue a fatwah on your fanny? Or should I just tell the tooth fairy so that none of your grandkids ever get any more under-the-pillow handouts? ; )

  2. What I’ve found so disturbing about the polarization of our society, and full disclosure I have marines, special forces, halliburton employees and full on effing Republicans as in the crazy women can’t get pregnant if they’re raped/we probably have an agenda to keep blacks and ladies from voting Republicans in my immediate family, is that pointing out logical fallacies seems to add fuel to the fire. (And these people are rather shouty so you don’t want to do that.) They deny climate change because they don’t believe in science. They punch down every argument with God. If you point out several flaws in their arguments, like, So you’re against muslim majority nations from having combined churches and states, but not us? they don’t respond well. Dialog needs to open up cause the country’s devided horribly now. But it’s like we need a new language to interact. And from many long and hard and disappointing years of experience have taught me that pointing out how ridiculous they are on the red side, pointing out how ridiculous they are, however cathartic, makes things worse in the long run.

    • I feel that the logical fallacies need to be pointed out, even if they don’t respond well. And for a long time, they’re probably not going to respond well. But the association that this meme promotes between Christianity and the feeling of “It’s okay if I’m violent for God,” is a dangerous one. I feel like dialogue needs to be opened up as well, but I also feel like jokes are necessary too. And I don’t think they make things worse in the long run.

      People need to understand that, even when we oppose their views, we’re not attacking them. Sadly, everyone’s knee jerk reaction to being told “I disagree” is now hatred and vitriol.

  3. man did you ever think god was all “what, no, i’m not gonna kill that dude.” “whoa, whoa there marine guy what’s the deal, why are you attacking this man” “whoa hey, why are all these christians pissing on this unconscious dude’s body?? i don’t want this at all”

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