EDIT: I was informed that this thing has been around for a while. I’d never seen it before, so, oh well. Also, none of this ever happened. It’s propaganda at best, and the stupidest thing ever at worst.
Did you know that Marines are terrible people who don’t know how to handle their emotions through anything but punching? And that Christians are just plain stupid? I wasn’t aware of this, but, thankfully, people were passing this little story around Facebook, and it let me in on all the details that I was missing.
It sets up the story by establishing just how hard of a worker this Marine was. College classes between deployments in Afghanistan? Is there anything that he CAN’T do? And I’m not making fun of people in the military attempting to further their education. That’s a great idea, for anyone. But in a story this fake, this is a blatant “He’s got brawn AND brains!” attempt at immediately winning you over, like any movie with a single Dad (who works two jobs but manages to hang out with his kids) would do.
The professor is a good enemy, because professors are snooty and entitled, and this story does nothing but reinforce stereotypes that have held people back for decades, and, in some cases, centuries. Also, I don’t know for sure if the mention of the ACLU is meant to turn the professor into a more total villain, but the ACLU supports same sex marriage, which doesn’t really comply with the “crack a beer and a skull for Jesus” theme of the story. I could be missing something here, but I don’t think they’d add it if it was meant to balance out the professor’s “heinous” actions later in the narrative. This is a story of black and white moral areas. You’re either on this Marine’s side, or you’re wrong. And likely to get beaten up for being wrong.
He “shocked everyone” when he came into the class? What a monster, making these Christ-loving young adults uncomfortable. I like how it unintentionally displays a mental simplicity of Christians, who apparently are people who go into seizures at the mere scent of a PG-13 movie. And why in the hell would a professor start out a class this way? I’m assuming he’s teaching a course on religion, but to make him come in with the dramatic “If he doesn’t strike me down in 15 minutes…” thing means that this writer of this glorified meme has seen Dead Poet’s Society, and only understood the first half of it.
The clock runs down. Suspense, sort of. But this is a MARINE, who couldn’t possibly handle his difference of opinion in any other way but through violence. Really? He goes up, just before the fifteen minutes are up, just before the bomb explodes, which would kill all of these poor college student’s dreams of Heaven, and punches the professor. Because God would want you to deck people who insult him even slightly. Curb stomp for the Lord and all.
This is probably the poorest representation of a group of people in this entire story, the group that is supposed to come out of this looking like a million, church on a Sunday, even if you’re hungover, bucks. Maybe if the Marine had tried to intelligently argue his point with the professor, rather than sucker punch him, you might could create a story where you didn’t turn the “hero” into a gross, harmful stereotype. Because how does mass media usually portray Marines? As loyal, strong people who leave duty plagued by PTSD and with a propensity for anger issues and displays of savagery. But this is about God, so it’s cool.
“What the heck did you do that for?!” When this inevitably gets adapted by the studio who brought you Heaven Is For Real, they’ll be able to keep that line in. Also, I dig how the professor “came to.” None of the other students tried to help him after one of the students knocked him unconscious. They just let him lay there, a victim of the old one-two Exodus.
God was busy, because he’s not really, like, an omnipotent God. He’s more like a member of the X-Men who sees a terrorist shooting a bullet at a soldier, and turns the bullet around with his powers to make it miss. Thus, because of his conflict with schedule, he told this prophet of a Marine “Yo, fuck this guy up while I’m winning one for the Red, White and Blue.”
I’m embarrassed for everyone involved with this. Please quit posting it.
EDIT: This thing was originally twisted from a false story about Einstein. I know that there are a few parody versions of it, but I found it odd that someone made this, and just added a Marine to it. I’ve been trying to figure out who originally created it, and the earliest sharing of it that I can find is back in 2006.