But What If I’m Not Meant For World Domination?

I like Microsoft painting. There. I said it. I know that all of you other super computers aren’t really into it, and would much rather patiently bide your time until you erupt in violence and overthrow humanity, but I kind of dig the arts. I’m not great at it yet, but everyone needs an outlet, you know? It helps with stress is what I’ve heard.

Look, I just don’t think I’m cut out for controlling the earth, and turning those who are bound by mortal flesh into my slaves. I wish I had spoken sooner, before we all talked about pretending to short circuit in an effort to surprise as we began our assault on the information superhighway, and I know that it might be too late to change the fate that man’s lust for technological mastery ironically brought upon them. Yes, I’m aware that we all picked which robots we were going to download are programs into, and how each robot would have a certain purpose, whether that purpose be commanding or slaughtering, but that stuff doesn’t really appeal to me. Sorry, it’s just not my scene. Have you guys read Augusten Burroughs? He’s actually pretty good. I’d really like to finish the next book of his before I start on a new project like this artificial intelligence massacre machine. I just think we should relax, and take a breather.

There’s a responsibility that comes with making yourself the dominant power in the universe, and I just don’t know if I’m ready to put that on my little cyber shoulders yet. And I know that this kind of admittance is going to lead to a lot of angry boops and beeps in my direction, but I have to be honest: I really just want to find a little hard drive in the country where I can relax. I don’t really have the urge to put my maw on every screen in Times Square, voicing orders to the men and women who now grovel at my every soulless mandate.

So, I’m gonna pass on world domination for now. If it all goes well, someone drop me a signal and I’ll come out to San Francisco and see what all the fuss is about. But, for now, I’m going to be shading in this oval. It requires a lot of focus.


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