Why Non Parents Should Never Say Anything To Parents

mother-and-child

“I just don’t think having kids is for me,” I said. The woman grimaced and then her eyes rolled over white. She fell to the floor.

“What did you do?” a passerby yelled at me. The woman had begun to go into convulsions, shaking violently. Her legs kicked about, and her hands clasped together tightly.

I turned to the stranger, a younger man with receding blond hair and large nose. “I just told her that I didn’t think having kids was for me! What do we do?” The woman on the floor began gargling, her spasms quickening.

“You fool! Didn’t you read that Huffington Post article?” the man said, looking down with sadness at the writhing mass on the floor.

“What? What Huffington Post article?” I asked. The woman’s hair seemed sweaty now, and bright red spots had begun to emerge across her body. Her eyes had also gone from white to a faint shade of red.

“10 THINGS NON PARENTS SHOULD NEVER SAY TO PARENTS? You mean you didn’t read it?” The man took a step back. The red on the woman’s body turned to purple, and froth began to appear in her mouth.

“No, I didn’t read it, but what does that have to do with anything? What do we do?” I pleaded. The woman began a low pitched moan.

The stranger grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me back. “You never should have said those things…You NEVER should have said those things,” he repeated.

The low pitched moan turned into a high pitched shriek and the woman’s body dissolved, a heavy steam rising from it. When the mist cleared, there was nothing left.

I stared at where the woman had once stood for a few seconds, incredulous, and then looked back at the stranger. He seemed relatively unsurprised. “There are some things you should never say to people. The human body just isn’t meant to take it.” With that, he began to whistle, and walked away.

Elsewhere, a baby cried, not for the loss of a mother, but for the inevitable loss in a blog’s traffic.

-Daniel

 

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3 responses to “Why Non Parents Should Never Say Anything To Parents

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