Did you add the Will Ferrell picture?
Oh, you sad moron. You pathetic shit.
So, you’re telling me that you went ahead and posted a funny quote without first plastering it on a picture of Will Ferrell’s character from the hit comedy Anchorman? You’ve made a grave error, buddy.
Are you always this dumb? You do know that you can’t list “My mother dropped me on my head” under the “Experience” section of your comedy writing resume, right? That, or “My drinking water is full of old paint chips.” You better hope that you get a daughter that you can sing the songs from Frozen with, or return home from war with an excited dog waiting for you, because, otherwise, you’ll never go viral. Internet popularity? For you? Not a chance, when you lack that amount of foresight.
You think that you’re clever enough to make it big without people imagining your words said by Ron Burgundy? Okay. Yeah, that’s cute. You keep it up, slugger. I’m sure Saturday Night Live is practically begging for new writers who can’t even follow through with the most basic requirements of humor.
Keep your day job. KEEP it. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you might not be the stupidest person on the planet. You might just be new to this thing. So let me educate you with modern comedy’s number one rule:
Unless you’ve got the Will Ferrell picture, you DON’T write the joke. Comedy isn’t timing. Comedy is whatever subnormal punchline your splotched, sickly, feeble brain came up with, read with the same tone as that classic Anchorman line “Well that escalated quickly.”
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, you unfunny excuse for a human.