Did You Add The Will Ferrell Picture?

Did you add the Will Ferrell picture?

No?

Oh, you sad moron. You pathetic shit.

So, you’re telling me that you went ahead and posted a funny quote without first plastering it on a picture of Will Ferrell’s character from the hit comedy Anchorman? You’ve made a grave error, buddy.

Are you always this dumb? You do know that you can’t list “My mother dropped me on my head” under the “Experience” section of your comedy writing resume, right?  That, or “My drinking water is full of old paint chips.” You better hope that you get a daughter that you can sing the songs from Frozen with, or return home from war with an excited dog waiting for you, because, otherwise, you’ll never go viral. Internet popularity? For you? Not a chance, when you lack that amount of foresight.

You think that you’re clever enough to make it big without people imagining your words said by Ron Burgundy? Okay. Yeah, that’s cute. You keep it up, slugger. I’m sure Saturday Night Live is practically begging for new writers who can’t even follow through with the most basic requirements of humor.

well-that-escalated-quickly

Again! Again!

 

Keep your day job. KEEP it. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you might not be the stupidest person on the planet. You might just be new to this thing.  So let me educate you with modern comedy’s number one rule:

Unless you’ve got the Will Ferrell picture, you DON’T write the joke. Comedy isn’t timing. Comedy is whatever subnormal punchline your splotched, sickly, feeble brain came up with, read with the same tone as that classic Anchorman line “Well that escalated quickly.”

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, you unfunny excuse for a human.

-Daniel

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28 responses to “Did You Add The Will Ferrell Picture?

  1. Seriously. Humor 101. And if you’re wanting a diet tip to go viral (and I shouldn’t have to say this), you had by-God better use a picture of Dr. Oz.

  2. There is some humor to be found in Anchorman, sure, but, I hope you graduate to something more subtle. In fact, you may find something else more engaging to occupy your afterwork time rather than ragging on others which only lowers yourself.

    • telitru? more like ‘tell it tru(e)’. subtle humor is the key to a good life. make sure that your humor is so subtle that it’s not even noticed at all, much like how i’m not noticed at all, ever

      • Of course, I should not have commented at all. If that is what is very funny to you…well, I guess to others too, well have a good laugh.

        My purpose on this blog is not to drag people down. I was clumsily trying to say you could do better. Sorry for any offense.

  3. ok just go ahead and try to diss the most funny humor on the web ever. youre entering a danger zone, buddy. sometime the most obvious has to be spoken out loudly. we all know someone like this, someone whos spotting the most obvious jokes, and then gets the lols of the easy minded people. oh and chicks. thats why i am that guy.

    • i know a thing or two about danger zones, buddy. I’ve lived in them my entire life. The danger zone isn’t filled with lols, it’s filled with heartbreak, agony, and dEBRA! DEBRA I KNOW YOU STILL CARE. I STILL LOVE YOU DEBRA! COME BACK TO ME, I NEED YOU. I NEED TO FEEL THE WARMTH OF ANOTHER HUMAN, FOR KRILL.

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