These FAILS are HILARIOUS. You can’t NOT laugh.
Huge Dirt Bike FAIL
For as long as he could remember, Jared had wanted a dirt bike. And as he watched his father unload the bike from the back of the truck, he knew something was going to go wrong.
Jared’s father had wanted to buy Jared a dirt bike for a year now, and had finally saved up enough. His factory job didn’t afford him much, but he toiled as hard as he could, picking up extra shifts in order to make Jared’s fourteenth birthday his best one yet. The dirt bike was heavier than he imagined, and he was tired. The guys who worked at the Raleigh Bikes had made lifting it look so effortless.
Jared watched his father’s arms tremble, but he maintained his grip. All they had to do was get it off the back of the tailgate and to the driveway. A little sweat dripped down both of their faces, and as the front wheel left the back of the truck, Jared felt the weight shift suddenly, too suddenly, and he lost his grip. His father made a slight groan, and lost his grip as well.
“Aw, dammit, I’m sorry,” Jared’s father said. The bike wasn’t totally wrecked, but, from what the two guys could see, the front was now a little bent and banged up from the impact. It had been the perfect present, but now it was a little less.
It was supposed to be a skiing trip, Eric thought. Just a simple skiing trip. After all of those competitions, Eric could take a step back and turn his job into a hobby again. He’d gotten enough prize money to last him for two years. Enough to finally buy that engagement ring.
He stared down at his mangled, BLAZE energy drink-sponsored legs, and heard his friends call his name in the distance.
“Eric! Oh, God! Eric, are you okay?”
Eric tried to move and screamed. He wasn’t okay. Far from it. He yelled again, trying to draw attention to where he was: a red splotch on a sea of crystal white. They were almost certainly broken, in more than one place. And leaking fast, as far as Eric could see. He felt the sharp winter wind on his cheek and heard the footsteps of his friends making their way toward him, trudging as quickly as they could in their clunky snow gear.
BLAZE was not going to be very happy about this.
Hot Girl Seesaw FAIL
“But what about prom?” Anna anxiously asked the doctor. Anna glanced over at her daughter Erica, whose face was wrapped in bandages, sleeping soundly on the hospital bed. “When is prom? The doctor asked, trying his best to keep Anna calm.
“It’s May 16th. It’s on the night of May 16th. Erica was looking forward to it so much,” Anna said. She was almost tearing up.
“Well,” the doctor sighed, “I don’t know. The surgery went well, but she’s going to have those scars for a little while. She might be able to go, or she might not want anyone to see her with them. The scars do need time to heal. What was she doing on a seesaw anyway? She’s seventeen.”
Anna walked to the bed and held her daughter’s hand. “I don’t know. She and a two friends were taking pictures and just, I don’t know. You know when you’re too big for something and you try it out and make fun of it or something? I don’t know…”
“Well, we’ll just have to see. The surgery went well. We were able to fix her teeth and jaw much easier than expected,” the doctor said. “Try to be optimistic.”
Dude Jumps Off Waterfall FAIL (NSFW)
Tommy hadn’t this much fun since high school. Rick and Steve visiting made it seem like he was back there again, carefree, before Karen and the baby, and definitely before the two DUIs.
Tommy had gotten to second base for the first time at the bottom of that waterfall, back in ’01, and, after they had spent the morning drinking beer and smoking a little pot, the three men decided to climb to the top of it and “just look down.” They were about forty feet up.
“You should jump,” Rick said. “You’re drunk enough to jump.”
“Nah, dude,” Tommy said.
“I will give you ten bucks if you jump, dude. Ten bucks and the rest of this honey whiskey.”
Steve giggled and Tommy asked “Twenty bucks?”
“Alright,” Rick agreed. “Twenty bucks.”
Tommy extended his hand for a shake and Rick took it. Tommy looked at the top of the beer he was drinking, half full, and downed it entirely. He tossed the can behind him. “What should I yell on the way down?”
“I don’t know,” Rick said. “Yell, like, the ‘n’ word or something.”
“Nah, dude. People can hear me. I’ll just yell something,” Tommy said. He breathed deeply and turned toward the edge. “Wish me luck.”
“Uh huh,” Rick said. Steve was peeing against a tree.
“FUCK MEEEEEEEE!” Tommy shouted as loud as he could as he jumped, and then it was over. The shelf underneath the waterfall extended farther out than he had expected, just barely hidden under the veil of crashing water. Tommy lay unconscious on the rock below, slightly underwater, his naked, fat, twisted body being pushed ever so slightly by the crashing of the falls. By the time Rick and Steve made it down to him, Tommy was face down in the stream, his face mashed up against some driftwood.