Sometimes, you have to do things for the good of the internet. In this case, it meant chronicling the history of Enrique Iglesias’ album covers, because I couldn’t find an example of that being done yet. I wish I could come up with a better introduction to this list, but I can’t. And, as you’ll see, any introduction that I could have come up with wouldn’t do it justice. That’s because these album covers prove that you don’t always need words, or even slight effort, to get your point across.
I’m sure that if you had no idea who Enrique Iglesias was, you’d think “Was there any other photo to choose from?” In retrospect though, this is just setting up a trend that will last two decades. Welcome to Enrique Iglesias, everyone. It’s time to look at stuff.
Rating: 3 Enrique Iglesias Head Shots Out Of 5
Alternate Title: Excuse Me. What Did You Say Again?
In this cover, Enrique truly emerges as the guy smirking in the background while your long distance college sweetheart tells you that it’s not what it looks like and that you both had agreed that you weren’t happy.
Rating: 1 Honeymoon Refund Out Of 1
Alternate Title: She Said That You Guys Were Over
COSAS DEL AMOR
The experiment to find out whether Enrique could put on a suit or not has been a rousing success. Champagne for everyone, gentlemen. Science, as a whole, has been solved.
Rating: 5 Garage Doors In The Background Out Of 5
Alternate Title: Top Secret Enrique Iglesias Wardrobe Study File 4 Classified
Enrique already had an album entitled “Enrique Iglesias,” so this is the equivalent of dropping the “The” and the “the,” and just going with the aerodynamic-sounding Fast and Furious. They also stamp “ENRIQUE IGLESIAS” over “ENRIQUE,” as if to clear up any confusion that this is, in fact, an Enrique Iglesias album, and not an album that some numbskull named “ENRIQUE” while trying to push in on the “gawk into space” market.
Rating: 2 ENRIQUES Out Of 5
Alternate Title: I Am Still Me
The concept art for this album was just the word “JAWLINE” written on a scrap of paper. If he was ever going to audition for an action hero movie role, he’d hand in a copy of this album cover as his demo reel. Awww, Enrique. What are you so smolderingly angry about? What happened to the days of you looking bewildered by all of life’s complexities?
Rating: 4 Explosions Out Of 5
Alternate Title: JAWLINE
If you asked Enrique Iglesias what shirt buttons were, he’d tell you to stop being so frigid. I’d really like to know whether this is Enrique’s “Working through something in your head” face or if it’s his “About to sob” face, but since he is the guy who performed “I Like It,” they’re probably amazingly similar.
Rating: 5 Good Cries Out Of 5
Alternate Title: Enrique, now on The CW.
“Stare at the traffic, Enrique, and we’ll fucking think of something.”
Alternate Title: Enrique Iglesias Didn’t Think This One Through
Enrique doesn’t need a tie when he shows up at the party. He’s just going to let his perfect sex hair do the talking. I don’t know why the photographer asked Enrique to open his mouth and close his eyes a bit, as if he’s one beer pong game away from vomiting on himself in the back of a taxi, but then again, most of Enrique’s album covers are based around forgetting that you’ve already done that album cover before. His system is beyond comprehension.
Rating: Just 2, Bro. Just 2.
Alternate Title: Enrique Iglesias Has Gotten Four Noise Violations From Campus Police But He Just Doesn’t Care
What is Enrique laughing at? Who told the hilarious joke that forced Enrique to turn to them? I like album covers like this, because it gives the illusion that someone happened to catch the artist in a state of pure, magical bliss and the photo was good enough to slap on an international release. Look at how great the lives of the stars are! They can laugh and look pretty and be famous, all at the same time! Buy their albums! We are truly lesser!
Rating: 5 Hoodies Out Of 5
Alternate Title: Euphoria
Is Enrique Iglesias 40? Is he 15? Who knows? This is a compilation of his greatest tracks ever and he celebrates it by staring at the ground. “Hey, man. I think I saw a lizard. No, keep shooting.”
Rating: 1 Shrug Out Of 5
Alternate Title: Enrique Iglesias Is Sad And Probably Thinkin’ About Songs About Dancing
As a hideous person when the camera is pointed directly at him, I can totally understand Enrique’s motivation behind going the Tilted-Facebook-Profile-Photo route with Euphoria.
Rating: 4 Likes Out Of 5, With One From Your Aunt
Alternate Title: Enrique Iglesias Takes Photos In His Bathroom Against A White Wall Make Sure That You Don’t Get Any Towels In The Background Because That Would Look Dumb
SEX AND LOVE
His shirt is unbuttoned and he’s sweaty, but I’m still trying to figure out what the two people on this album cover are doing. Is Enrique lying down, meaning that the naked girl behind him is breaking the laws of gravity and dimension? Or is he standing up, and some shaven morlock has crept over to him on a ledge behind him?
Rating: 2 Skulls Out Of 5
Alternate Title: Enrique Iglesias’ The Descent