That Lego T-Rex Is Going To Starve To Death

In the teaser trailer for the Lego: Jurassic Park game, there is a joke that follows the traditional “something badass” set-up, followed by the “something pathetic” punchline. In this case, a T-Rex stomps on a cup and roars, only to be interrupted mid-roar by the inadequacy of his own body. His lower jaw falls off, and he spends the last few seconds of the preview grunting in pain and trying to pick it back up with his little arms.

This harkens back to the feeling I got when I watched that Lunchables commercial a few years ago, where some poor child was going to be forced to eat a shoe. This Lego T-Rex is going to starve to death. He’s going to live the rest of his life bottom jaw-less, and will spend his final, agonizing moments as a social pariah, because no one is going to want to hang out with a lizard king who has that kind of deformity. And then, one day, he’ll fall to his knees, unable to continue forward due to a lack of sustenance, and he’ll be unable to get back up. He’ll pass away in a revolting state of misery, because after the Grand Roar Mishap of 2015, he’ll be unable to chew and digest any of his food.

Lego Paleontologists are going to find him and attempt to reconstruct him, only to be baffled by the missing piece. They may try to mold a new one, but only years later, when they finally unearth that bottom jaw and realize that it was once attached to a certain, unfortunate Rex, will this dinosaur reclaim some of his former majesty.

I think what I’m trying to say here is that I’m really excited for Jurassic World.

Don't kill my vibe, haters. Don't break my stride.

Don’t kill my vibe, haters. Don’t break my stride.

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