What To Do When You’ve Been Gorilla’d

gorillas

A popular trend online these days is to find an unsuspecting target, break into the zoo that is closest to their house, unlock the gate to the zoo’s gorilla enclosure, carefully lead the gorillas out of the zoo and to the house of the target without losing any, ring the doorbell, and then run away. Being gorilla’d can be extremely harmful to one’s career and property, so knowing how to prepare yourself in case you become the target of a gorilla-ing is essential. Here are a few tips to follow if you find that you’ve been gorilla’d:

  1. Call 911 and tell the police that you have a bunch of gorillas. Make it extremely clear that they are not your gorillas, and that someone has either led them to your house, or is missing a few. Tell them, calmly, that you would like assistance in getting rid of all of the gorillas, with none left over.
  2. Keep the gorillas away from your computer. You do not want them to access your email, and ask even more gorillas to come over. Log off from every social media site and change your passwords immediately.
  3. Don’t get aggressive with the gorillas. It is not their fault that they are now in your house. They are not the cause of your predicament. Treat a gorilla as you would a neighbor or a child. Tell them stories until they fall asleep, and make them feel comfortable.
  4. If there are any gorillas already currently in your house, keep them separated from the other gorillas until the police have arrived to transport the fresh gorillas away. If police inquire about a locked room that’s filled with gorillas, tell them that those are your own personal gorillas.
  5. Do not attempt to engage your harassers or send gorillas back to them. If you do that,
     you run the risk of ending up with an even larger group of unwanted gorillas. Do not do anything that might exacerbate your problem.
  6. If one of the gorillas pulls off their gorilla mask to reveal that they were the person that targeted you, and bought a lifelike gorilla costume to watch your reaction, do not confront them. Take the high road and ignore them, if you can.
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One response to “What To Do When You’ve Been Gorilla’d

  1. When I’m gorilla’d, I normally follow all those tips, except the last one. In the past, I’ve chased the guy in the gorilla costume with a bat and then shattered the headlights on his car. It didn’t go well with me when the cops arrived, so next time I will follow your advice and ignore him.

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